Ramblings.....

I'm copying this entry layout from my cousin Kristy, and ultimately Tiffiny. Hope you girls don't mind!

Tuesday with Kyrsten...

I'm thankful for: Today I'm thankful for my kids. I'm enjoying them today!

What I'm listening to: Ni Hao Kai Lan - Abbey's cartoon :)

What's for dinner tonight: Roast with potatoes and veggies

What's happening this week: Preschool for Abbey, playdate with an old friend, MOPS, Friday night out, Saturday mornig coffee with my friends, church, and hopefully I'll be attending a Haiti benefit concert Sunday night. A SUPER busy week!

What I'm missing: My friend Natasha

I know I didn't post last month, what a month it was. January wasn't really a good start to the new year. Lot's of tragic things happened causing heart ache for many people I know, including myself but more importantly one of my best friends and her family.

On January 12th, my good friend Natasha lost her 5 and a half month old sweet baby boy Case to SIDS. What a sudden, heartbreaking tradgedy. When I heard that something was wrong I spent the rest of the day praying...please God, please don't let Natasha lose Case, heal him, make him better. When I found out he didn't make it, of course I was in shock. "Lord, this isn't what I have been praying for all day...WHY??" "How in the world can this be part of your "perfect" plan?" "How are Natasha, Reese and Lane going to get through this?" "Why, why, why?"

My heart was broken in a million pieces. I cried for days for my friend who must have been enduring the worst pain ever. I can't think of anything harder than losing a baby, a sweet child whom you have grown to love so much, who is a part of you and your family. It is every parent's worst nightmare. Natasha lives down in San Diego so I felt so helpless being far away. I just wanted to be able to hug my friend, cry with her, and just be with her.

I referred back to the book of Job in the Bible which deals with the issue of human suffering. I have read it years ago and decided it was time again. I was reminded that God doesn't mind our questions...it's okay to ask "why?" however we may not ever receive a response. God doesn't have to answer us. He wants us to trust that He has the perfect plan for our lives and that "everything works for good for those who believe in the Lord". He doesn't mind our questions, but He does not want us losing our faith our doubting Him. That is sin. I believe that God allows trials or down times in our lives in order to test our faith and prove faithful to Him. I know that we will be blessed if we remain strong and trust in the Lord. Job lost everything in his life - his children, animals, land, wealth, etc....but was blessed later for trusting God. It is during these times when we are on our knees that God wants us to turn to Him more than anything. He will carry us through the pain and days, months and years ahead.

Now, these truths I know in my head and my heart, but I am human and I still feel heartbroken, sad, and overwhelming grief. I believe God when he PROMISES "For I know the plans I have for you...They are plans for GOOD, NOT for DISASTER, to give you a FUTURE and a HOPE. In those days when you pray I will listen. If you look for me in earnest you will find me when you seek me." Jeremiah 29:11-13. Knowing this does not take the immediate, raw pain away, but it DOES get me through. Gives me hope to hold on to, strength to get up in the morning and face each day and in time, eases the pain. God grieves with us, hears our prayers, knows our needs and will get us through if we trust Him.

I've read a book titled "I will meet you in Heaven." God promises that in Heaven we will be "in an era where we will know and be known". We will know our loved ones and they will know us. How awesome! This I know...because of her faith, Natasha will see Case again. This is NOT the end. She will get to hold him forever in heaven, for ETERNITY. I can not even grasp that! Case is in Heaven now, with his grandma Karen, seeing the face of God, and watching down on Natasha, Reese and Lane. He loves them will be there to meet them. He is not sad or hurting. He is in peace with God. Thank you Lord!

It's hard to beleive that taking Natasha's baby away from her can be part of His plan for her life. What good can come of this? I don't know. There is no immediate answer. I do know that God is using Natasha and Reese's amazing faith as testimony that is touching so many people's lives. My pastor spoke about them in church referring to their amazing faith in God, what an example! People that don't even know Natasha are praying for her and her entire family, shedding tears, and being touched and changed by her story. (This is what we get for living in a small county that knows everything about everyone) I can only pray that this is reaching people that need to think about their own faith, the direction their life is taking and their relationship with God. I know that my heart has been changed by this. I CANNOT imagine how people get through tragedy and pain without having God. How hard and sad.

Natasha is a WONDERFUL mother and Reese is a great father. Case is lucky to have had them as parents. So is their 5 year old son, Lane. They are blessed to have Lane too. What a sweet boy! I was blessed to have met Case at Thanksgiving. I am thankful for the hour that I held him and he fell asleep in my arms. I will always treasure that and remember his babbling, smiles and chubby legs. They were bare and I just got to snuggle him and rub those sweet thighs! I am thankful for the few hours that I got to spend with Natasha and the rest of my girlfriends while she was here for the funeral. I treasure our coffee, conversation and friendship so much. We are all so blessed to have girlfriends that are as close as sisters. I'm thankful for these amazing women in my life. I love you all!

As we all return to normal life, I know that Natasha, Reese and Lane are struggling. Struggling to find a new "normal". I pray EVERY day for my friends, praying that they will feel God's peace and love for them. I pray that God would give them strength and courage to face each new day with hearts that are open to Him. I pray that God would fill Tasha's "empty arms". I pray that everyday God would ease their pain a little more but that they would hold on to their memories. Please keep praying!!!! Natasha, we love you and can't wait to see you soon!